Malachi 2:11-15
Making A Marriage
Very few things in this world are more difficult to accomplish,
more rewarding if you are successful,
or more painful if you fall than making a marriage.
Now, herein is the difficulty for the Christian. The Bible does not have a book
of marriage. I wish it did. It would be lovely if we could just turn to a
book, chapter, and verse and start reading about how to make a marriage. But we
can’t.
That does not mean the Bible has nothing to say about marriage. It just means
that it is not all written in the same place. In reality, the same things that
make for a good Christian make for a good husband, wife, and child. So the more
like Christ we become as individuals, the better our marriage and our home.
However, there are some passages that relate specifically to husbands and wives,
parents and children, and even to grandparents and grandchildren.
With that background in mind, what does the Bible say about making a marriage.
I. We need a DESIRE to make a marriage. Let’s consider several kinds of
desire in relation to marriage.
A. A Wrong Desire
1. Some people’s sole desire in marriage is to have physical
satisfaction.
a. Let me very plain. That is the wrong desire for marriage.
b. The physical relationship within a marriage is one of God’s
gifts to marriage, but if that is the only reason you want to
marry, then you insult yourself, your mate, and marriage.
c. If this is our only reason to marry, we are pretty much on the
same level as the animals.
2. Another wrong desire is to marry for pride.
a. Some, probably men more than women, get married not for God or
even for love, but because a beautiful woman will have them.
b. There might be some love involved somewhere but, just to be
honest, he’s really never thought about it.
c. What he has considered is that she’s hot, others will be
envious, and even if it doesn’t work out, at least he can
always say he had a girl trophy at one time and that’s more
than a lot of men can say.
3. Yet another wrong reason is for security.
a. Some, probably women more than men, marry because her fiancée
can take her away from her home, or because he has a good job,
or because he had some money.
b. Again, maybe there is some love in there, but that is not the
main reason. The main reason is they are seeking some form of
security.
4. None of these desires will work—at least not in the world we live
in today.
a. In old times, maybe they did work.
b. Today, there are just too many available mates.
c. Sooner or later, those marrying for these reasons will find
someone they think is a notch higher on the totem pole and
will run after them.
B. A Good Desire
1. A good desire is for love.
a. Many want to make a marriage with someone because we love that
person.
b. Regarding love in a marriage, I have always said, "Love is not
the right reason for getting married; but I certainly would
not want to marry anyone that I didn’t love."
2. A good desire is "to do the right thing."
a. Sometimes a male and female get too familiar with each other and
cross the line, producing a child.
b. Sometimes, the young man, the families, and even the church
says that he ought to "do the right thing."
c. I have never thought that was necessarily a good idea.
d. Having a child out-of-wedlock is definitely wrong, but making
a bad marriage because of it won’t help.
e. Stretching one wrong into two wrongs isn’t the solution.
f. Now, if there is genuine love between the two, and both are
saved, mature, and mostly trying to do what is right, I would
marry them. Otherwise, I do not think I would.
C. The Right Desires
1. While there are many wrong desires and good desires, there is only
one right desire.
a. The right desire to make a marriage is because this is what God
wants.
(1) There is no other reason for a man and a woman to get
married.
(2) Not because they are in love, or because they are trying
to right a wrong, or because they selfish urges—NO.
(3) Marriage was given by God and, to make a marriage, we
must let God orchestrate it.
(4) However, in that larger vain of a right desire, there are
smaller right desires that we should have.
b. This right desire, like a large cavern, has been off-shoots.
(1) There is the desire to marry the right kind of person.
(a) Some would question whether or not God actually has a
particular mate in mind for a person.
(b) I would not argue with you about it one way or the
other.
(c) Regardless, God has laid down some rules for
Christians to follow in selecting a mate and you and
I, if we are going to make a marriage, should have a
desire to make a marriage that is pleasing to God and
in obedience to His commands.
(2) There is the desire to make the right kind of marriage.
(a) We want to make the kind of marriage that God would
be pleased with.
(b) \\#14\\ This text tells us that God watches over
marriages.
i. He was a "witness" against the Jewish husbands
who had "dealt treacherously" with their wives.
ii. \\#12\\ In fact, God had "cut off" some for it.
(I take it that means God had killed some.)
iii \\#13\\ Other men had been left weeping on the
altar because of what God had done.
2. All of this simply points out that if we are going to make a
marriage, we should have the right desire.
a. Anything less will result in making something that produces
sorrow and grief.
b. And the Lord knows there is enough of that in homes today
already.
II. We need DEDICATION to make a marriage.
A. First, there must be dedication to our mates.
1. God gives us the command of one man, one woman, one life time in
the Old Testament.
Ge 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave
unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
a. Jesus quotes in the New Testament.
Mt 19:5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall
cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
b. And it is repeated several times in the Epistles.
Eph 5:31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be
joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
2. To make a marriage, each man and each woman must dedicate
themselves to their mate and their mate only.
a. This is not a commitment to be made at marriage, but from
youth!
b. The notion that we can sow wild oats in our youth and it won’t
effect them later is a false, contemporary concept.
(1) It is unscriptural.
(2) It is unhealthy physically.
(a) Sexually Transmitted Diseases are rampant in the US
and the world today.
(b) 1 in every 4 teenage girls
(c) 40% of teens between 15-17.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23574940/ns/health-kids_and_parenting/t/teen-girls-
has-sexually-transmitted-disease/
(d) Some of these diseases are lifelong diseases
which will increase their risk for cancers,
AIDS, and other health-related problems.
(3) It is unhealthy mentally.
(a) Young minds are not equipped to handle some things.
(b) Adults have a difficult time with romance and
relationships. Is it any wonder our youth do?
(4) It establishes a lifestyle that is difficult to change.
c. Not all marriage problems start with the marriage.
(1) Imagine having to tell your fiancée that you have a
sexually transmitted disease.
(2) How about after you have been married a few months and
your mate starts to realize that this is not the first
time that you have been down this road?
(3) If you want to make a marriage, even if it may be years
down the road, do not ruin your changes by living a
wicked lifestyle.
(4) Dedicate yourself to your mate and expect that your mate
will have dedicated themselves to you.
B. But to make a marriage, we should also dedicate ourselves and our
marriage to God.
1. To dedicate something is to give it to the Lord.
a. In the Old Testament, tools used for the temple or in service
for the Lord were dedicated to God.
b. That means that they would be used for nothing else.
c. We need to give both ourselves and our marriage to the Lord.
i. If you are a Christian, then you have already given
yourself to the Lord.
ii. In that case, perhaps a more accurate term would be to
REdedicate yourself to the Lord.
d. Regardless, you can’t make a marriage as you should unless you
and your marriage are the Lord’s.
2. The lost cannot not comprehend giving their marriage to the Lord.
a. Today, they diligently work to do away with marriage or at the
very least, any concept of a Bible marriage.
b. Why? Many of them hate the Lord and so they will hate the
marriage that God gave us.
Psalm 2:1 Why do the heathen rage, and the people imagine a vain thing?
2 The kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers take counsel together,
against the LORD, and against his anointed, saying,
3 Let us break their bands asunder, and cast away their cords from us.
4 He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the Lord shall have them in
derision.
5 Then shall he speak unto them in his wrath, and vex them in his sore
displeasure.
3. However, Christians ought to know that they are the Lord’s and that
their marriage is the Lord’s.
a. Christians who attempt to make a marriage without dedicating
themselves and their marriage to God aren’t doing much better.
b. God did create us and marriage so let’s do this thing right!
i. At the very beginning, before you ever say "I do," let’s
settle that WE are God’s.
aa. Give yourself to the Lord.
bb. Select a mate that has given himself or herself to
the Lord.
cc. Purpose to be the kind of people that God wants us to
be above everything else.
ii. Then settle the fact that your marriage will be a God-
honoring marriage.
aa. From the beginning, start out to please God.
bb. Pray together, worship together, use the Bible as
your personal Guide Book and your Marriage Handbook.
cc. Don’t just create a home. Create a heavenly home.
c. If you do these things, you certainly won’t be sorry.
III. We need DETERMINATION to make a marriage.
A. Dedication is the beginning, but it is just the beginning.
1. When a baby is born, you dedicate that baby to the Lord.
2. When you purchase a home, you dedicate that home to the Lord.
3. When you get married, you should dedicate your marriage to the Lord.
4. However, after you GIVE something to the Lord, it takes
determination to make sure you let the Lord KEEP it.
5. Dedications are the beginnings. Determination is what is required
to finish.
B. There are several things in your marriage that you should be determined
about.
1. You should be determined that you are always going to love your
mate and that your mate is always going to love you.
a. That sounds simple enough in the Cinderella stage but it gets
tougher in the Humpty Dumpty stage.
b. 999 out 1000 people enter into marriage with unrealistic
expectations.
(1) They actually think the person they dated is the person
they are marrying.
(2) Reality Check - Everyone puts their best foot forward
before marriage.
(3) Here is a thought - If you aren’t overly impressed with
the person you are dating, you probably won’t even like
who they will become after you marry them.
c. Regardless, if you are going to make a marriage, you need to
determine that you are going to love your mate.
(1) Love them when the good manners fade out and the make up
comes off.
(2) Love them when vanity crops out and selfishness crops in.
(3) Love them when kids come and attention leaves.
(4) Love them when the spending money decreases and the bills
increase.
(5) Love them when weight goes up while most everything else
is drooping down.
d. Just determine that you are not going to have a loveless
marriage.
(1) Hearing that, some of you might say, that is what has
happened to our marriage.
(2) How do I fix it?
(a) Of course, there are no simple, quick solutions.
(b) Start by praying and asking God to restore the love
of your marriage.
(c) Talking to your mate about things again.
(d) Find things in common again. (i.e. TV programs,
hobbies, go places together, get down the board
games and play them)
(e) Show kindness and consideration.
(f) Start saying, "I love you."
(g) In short, love your mate and see what happens.
(h) It worked once. It ought to work again.
2. You need to determine that you are not going to quit.
a. That means you should take the word "divorce" out of your
personal vocabulary.
(1) Listen, after you bring that word into the conversation
the first time, your marriage will never be quiet the
same.
(2) The word divorce hangs an uncertainty over a marriage
that cannot be ignored.
(3) Once it is spoken, both mates, deep in their
subconscious’s, know they have to prepare for divorce—and
they do.
(a) The first time the word "divorce" is mentioned, it
sows a doubt in marriage. From that point on,
concerns arise, issues of trust, of security, maybe
jealousy or suspicion enter.
(b) Then both begin to guard their hearts. to hold back.
They toughen up a little.
Draw some lines in the sand.
(c) Then they start figuring what changes they might have
to make.
Where they might live.
How they could get by as they make some adjustments.
What kind of work they might take on.
How they might make it work with the kids.
Or they might start detaching themselves from the
kids.
(d) Some start hiding a few dollars.
Others start shedding a few pounds,
Some make a few "new" friends or decide to go back
to school.
(e) Soon, the mention of the word becomes a self-
fulfilling prophecy!
(4) The sad thing is that usually, the person who says the
word first, didn’t even mean it. It was just a rash
threat to get what was wanted.
b. Decide now, at the very onset, before emotions and mistakes are
made, that this is one project you are not going to quit on
no matter what!
The late Dr. M. R. DeHaan said, “The nearest thing to heaven on this earth is the
Christian family and a home where husband and wife, parents and children, live in
love and peace together for the Lord and for each other. The nearest thing to hell
on earth is an ungodly home, broken by sin and iniquity, where parents bicker,
quarrel, and separate, and children are abandoned to the devil and all the forces
of wickedness.”
With God’s help, you can make your marriage a paradise. Make up your mind to do
so today.
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